A Mental Break

A blog dedicated to mental health

Month: July 2019

Self-Love, Self-Care & Mental Health

Can you define the self-love? What about self-care? I’m sure many of you can give brilliant explanations but how many of you practice self-love and self-care? I will be honest and admit that I have struggled with self-love, and until a couple of years ago I had no idea what self-care meant.
Self-care is:

appreciation for oneself.” It is having compassion for yourselfwhile relating to yourself it does not involve harshly judging or punishing yourself for every mistake you make, or every time someone does better than you.”

Self-care can be considered a component of self-love.
Self-care is:

taking time to pay attention to you, not in a narcissistic way, but in a way that ensures that you are being cared for by you.”

Recently, I sat down with spoken word artist and poet Nequa Profacy* for episode #2 of “A Mental break with Delano.” We discussed the connection between mental health and self-love and self-care. She was gracious enough to perform a powerful piece entitled “Glow.”

Click the link below to listen to our conversation. You can listen to the episode on all platforms where podcasts are available. Please leave a comment, a review or a rating so, I can continue improving the quality and content of the podcast.

 

                             


Sources:

   https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/get-hardy/201203/seven-step-prescription-self-love

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-mindful-self-express/201706/8-powerful-steps-self-love

 https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/skinny-revisited/201805/self-care-101

Glow by Nequa Profacy 

You know the ground supposed to glow when you walk girl

The devil supposed to tremble when you talk

See you bad,right

So they supposed to be mad, right

Cause ain’t no light in defeat

So you just keep marching left and right with your feet

Even if you have to mumble your prayers at night when you sleep

You will glow here 

Like fireworks

You be queen even if you be hired work

I said you be queen

Always low key

And when you’re in the scene

You try not to be see 

But please

If you’re going to be seen

Be someone worth seeing

If you’re going to be someone

Be someone worth being

What state of mind do you be in

What Pandora station is your heart beating

Let them know you need not to be reminded of who you be

That since birth you knew that you be queen

I mean 

Well. 

Don’t it seem like you were almost  destined to fail

But you see failure really isn’t an option

You just know it all too well

Life ain’t always worth living 

But the reason you ain’t give in

Is cause it’s one really good story to tell

Let them know that you not about being frail 

You’re not about waiting to exhale 

Or waiting for a Knight

Waiting for someone to treat you right

You not about waiting for someone to appreciate your mind

Waiting for them to not waste your time

Because they not even out here trying to save their own lives

That means you fight the fight for yourself

And you see beauty and potential in yourself

Because if no one else will 

You gotta love yourself

Girls like you 

Just trying to make your momma proud

I know they look at you when you come around

But it’s not every day we see women wearing crowns

Not every day we see women loving ourselves for who we really are

Cause when you wake up flawless

That’s your first flaw

Let them know that you woke up like this 

That situation’s made you tough like this

That you know all too well of broken hearts and yearning love 

Love so far gone it burning

That you keep some things to yourself

That you may have cried yourself to sleep last night but today you rose wishing

And may I say 

Your glow up was amazing

I’m glad you made it

But tell me 

Why you look like that

Oh I get it

You didn’t think that people would book like that 

I know that you expected more

Thought that you would be worth waiting around for

Cause now the ground glows where you go girl

So let them know

Let me know when they missed out on

That you be queen

You be paradox 

You be goddess

You be light

You be life birthing life

That you be free

Unapologetically in love with your own reflection 

Using god as your protection 

That you be paradise 

As much as possible

You see you’re the hardest to love 

But a love worth working for 

A woman with waiting for

And a women worth praying for

So ode 

Let’s take an ode to the nights that we spend alone

In our own space 

And our own home

To the nights we sit 

And the nights we sit and soak

Cause you know in order to glow

You don’t wait for the light at the end

You be the light 

Within your tunnel 

Change

“Change is inevitable: change is constant.” 
– Benjamin Disraeli

 It has been a few weeks since I have written anything new or updated my blog, and I wish I had some profound reason for not doing so. I wish I could say I was halfway around the world on vacation in France. Or that I was doing something selfless like trying to solve world hunger, but the truth is that I have been caught up in the whirlwind of change. I remember this infomercial (from the 90s) with Ron Popeil selling a rotisserie oven. Throughout the infomercial, he used the tag line “Set it and forget it.” Sometimes I wish my life could be that way! I could figure out how to do everything right then set it, forget it and have life on autopilot. Yes, I know this sounds lazy but sometimes life can be too much! I hate change!! I hate the fear, anxiety, and uncertainty that come along with it. It feels like the year of my life has been filled with change.

It feels like it has been one change after another with no time to stop, reflect and plan. In the last two months, I have had to face some major changes in my life. I have had to face the end of my relationship and separate from my partner of Seven years. I have had to leave my home for the last four years and move into my own apartment (my first time living on my own). I have also had to deal with the deterioration and end of friendships with those I would have called my family. This may all seem trivial to most but this has been difficult in ways I never imagined.

The truth is that I am used to long-term situations. I thought I had my life figured out when I moved to the U.S. four years ago. I was excited about that change! I would get the chance to build a life with my partner. We would get a house, a car and get married, but none of that happened. I am now faced with starting over from the beginning on my own. When I dreamed about my future I always saw his face, but now when I dream he’s not there.

I was surprised to hear coworkers talk about moving to a new apartment almost every year when I started my first job in the US. It seemed like this was the norm to apartment hop around town. This boggled my mind because I lived in one house since birth back in St. Kitts. I was born in that house, I grew up in that house and I lived in that house on lover’s lane for 30 years. I spent the last four years in the US in one apartment, so the thought of packing up my life again (so soon after leaving St. Kitts) was not easy to stomach. I thought I would have my partner with me on this journey. My life has been filled with fear, heightened anxiety and restless nights trying to cope with the changing landscape. At points, I felt like I would go insane! There were the moments at work where I would have emotional break downs in my cubicle. I knew I had to work even harder at sustaining my mental wellness during this time of change.

    Coping with Change

I started meditating early in the morning when I couldn’t sleep. It seems like my mind would run nonstop especially at nights. I would cycle through every possible scenario of what these changes would bring. Meditation helped me to quiet my mind even if for a few minutes. I found that short guided meditations worked best for my situations. I also decided to work harder on my diet and eat better, I wanted to feel my best as a way to lessen boost my mental state. I made a conscious effort to eat healthy more days than not. Making sure my water intake was high was another goal to help my physical state. Usually, I drink one gallon of water but I increased that to two gallons on some days. Lifting weights have always been a hobby of mine, but I was neglecting cardio. I added cardio back into my routine for three sessions a week and I immediately noticed a difference in my mood. I had more “happy” energy to get through the day. I also found comfort in those relationships that were genuine and without judgment.

It has now been two weeks since I have separated from my partner and I moved into my own apartment. Those final days of living together left me tired, not just physically tired but emotionally drained and mentally exhausted. I am still scared of what change may come next, but I have to remind myself to look at as a journey and an adventure. This is a new chapter of my life and a blank canvas. It’s now time to create an amazing story.

 

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